Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Paghihiganti


We were raised to forgive those who have done us wrong. So when Jeff left me for Noli (click link for story), I tried to forge a friendship with both of them. But it's hard to remain gracious, particularly when the pain is still there. The bile slowly creeps its way up, and all you can think about is the sweet taste of revenge to rid yourself of all the bitterness.

We were having lunch at Robinson's, where Jeff was meeting a client to visit a housing project in Laguna. He suggested for Noli to keep me company, and we'd meet up with him later in the afternoon. After Jeff left, I told Noli that I was tired, wanted to catch a quick nap at home, but he was welcome to hang out, if he wanted.

A few minutes later, I was in bed in my boxers. I told Noli that he was free to join me if he was tired and closed my eyes. I felt the cushion give way as he slowly crawled in from the other side. I had both hands behind my head, chest and biceps still tense from the previous day's workout, legs slightly apart. They were an eternity apart, but the sounds of compressed bed springs came closer until his breath was upon me.

"Pu! Tang! Ih! Nah! Niyo!" I screamed over and over in my head. One syllable for each thrust. I never cry during sex, but that time, I was overcome with emotion. Then his phone rang. Nobody stopped to pick it up. Then mine rang. A few more rings and we were done. "Sunduin na natin siya," I told Noli, avoiding his eyes. We quietly dressed and went back for Jeff.

Jeff's hands were clenched. He was trembling. No words were spoken, but he knew. It wasn't the tears, but what I read in his eyes that crushed me. The pain he felt wasn't only for Noli and him. It was also for letting me go before, for giving me up.

I ran away from both of them, and locked myself in one of the rest room cubicles. Bile and pieces of chicken and rice were climbing up my throat. I vomited into the toilet bowl, and I retched some more, until I had nothing left inside. Except for that empty, hollow feeling that you get after having your fill of revenge.

(P.S. Jeff and I have since forgiven each other, and we remain friends. Jeff and Noli have decided to go separate ways after a year together. I have not seen Noli since the incident.)

photo credit : iamkoream.com
    

29 comments:

Eternal Wanderer... said...

aw. nakipagchukchakan sa jowa ng ex.

prang ang bongga lang! :P

nOx said...

kuya, hindi bagay ang paghihiganti sayo. mabuti kang tao. char!

pa-kiss nga pre. hehe

KikomaxXx said...

Ang sakit naman nito... i couldn't say how could you or i couldn't agree more about agree more about what you did... alam ko naman na you did that because of the pain, sadness and loneliness and revenge..

Pero sana chong natoto ka na dun and di mo na yun uulitin pa... pero mas bilib ako sa yo kasi you shared something that readers might have a good learning on your experience..the best... wahehehe...

pero aminin ko man o hindi a i did something like this too.. wahehehe...

egG. said...

nosebleed di ko siya gaano nagets....

pero sana nakuntento ka na lang... di ka na naghiganti.... di ba? kumbaga sana tinanggap mo na lang...

grabe ka sean... grabe lang....

Ms. Chuniverse said...

next time na maghihiganti ka...

gamitin mo ako. pramis, walang guilt feeiling after. char.

Kyle said...

kuya sean tama si nox, di bagay sayo ang vengeance.LOL kasi sa tingin ko ang bait-bait mong tao, pwera biro. promise.hehehe

kaya nga nacucurious akong makilala ka.wahahahaha

Miguel said...

i can feel your very human-ness in this post. in one part of my head I was like "that's sooo wrong" while the other says, "oh yeah! do him real goooood!"...

tao lang. lol.

Nimmy said...

ikaw na naka-boxer kuya! anong kulay? what are you wearing right now? chos! hihi

lahat naman ata tayo dumadaan dyan. :)

~Carrie~ said...

Nimmy, wag tayo magconcentrate sa revenge. Sa boxers tayo magfocus. Honga, ano kulay? Hehe

Spiral Prince said...

nobody ever truly grows after revenge has been doled out. it hurts everyone. :(

V1nC3 said...

In the end, wala talagang nananalo sa paghihiganti... Pero I feel you brotha... No judgement. hehe. Ingat!

린코 said...

oh wow. revenge is such a double-edged sword. hurts both ways. :|

Mr. G said...

had almost the same experience...cavorting with the ex's lover...hehehe...

move on bro...

uno said...

in a way it give you good result...

you just put an end to your own misery...

lesson learned... just forgive and liveyour life right

Mu[g]en said...

I think you gave the ex a favor. Hahaha. Nalaman niya na malandi ang pinalit niya sayo kasi kinalantari ka. Lol.

iurico said...

you scheming, manipulative you!

Mahal na kita! hahaha

Oreo said...

syaks! ayaw ko magmalinis... no comment ako.. hahahaha

ISTAMBAY said...

sa kahit anong anggulo tingnan, walang maidudulot ang paghihiganti.

Maaring makasakit ka o mas lalong ikaw pa ang masaktan.. ano mang kaligayahan na maramdaman sa paghihiganti, panandalian lamang..

have a nice day sir sean.. :)

emmanuelmateo said...

katulad ng sinabi ko dun sa blog, forgive and forget.dba.
gawain ng devils ang paghihiganti.

Mr. Chan said...

forgive but don't forget! :)

have agood day Sean :)

Kiks said...

nalasahan ko ang paghihiganti. lalo na sa part ng chicken. (ew! chos.)

but that is how revenge is. because everything comes with it.

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

hindi ko lang alam kung may mali sa akin ha,, pero this post made me smile.. masama ba akong tao?? hmmmm...

anu nga kulay ng boxers mo? curious lang.. hehehe

good day!!

Lalaking Palaban said...

Agree ako kay Mugen.

In some part of us, when we felt betrayed in a relationship its only but human to emphasize to our ex's that you are the best choice.

Apparently, hindi ganun kalikaw ang bituka mo for revenge... Same reason why I don't befriend my exes.

Anyway, let bygones be bygones.

Yj said...

nakabibingi ang katahimikan ng huling halakhak mo... :(

-=K=- said...

Awwwww :( Grabe ka naman mag revenge. If only I could do the same thing to the girlfriends of my ex-bf's. Hahahaha!

iamAPv said...

Vengeance is not ours, it is god's.

..aksaya lang ng oras ang paghihiganti.

Sean said...

@eternal wanderer: ang halay if you put it that way. pero oo nga yun na nga yun.

@nox: ahahaha! buti naman may naniniwala pang mabait ako after this entry. thanks nox mwah (pare)!

@kikomaxxx: yeah, it's something that i'm not proud of. lesson learned and hopefully it's something that i won't ever do again. uy ikaw din pala hehehe. thanks kiko.

@egG: ay may dugo na naman eg hehe. oo nga dapat tinaggap ko na lang, pero nabulag ako ng paninibugho. not my proudest moment...

@ms. chuniverse: i missed you ms. chuni. hahaha! will keep that in mind. char!

@kyle: ay haha! baka pag nakita mo ako in person mukha pala talaga akong kontrabida. max alvarado ba haha! thanks sir kyle.

@miguel: oo nga. tao lang po hehe.

@nimmy: ay haha! candy stripes hehe. and now? boxers nga haha! thanks nims.

@carrie: hahaha! naku katatanggal ko lang. chos!

@spiral prince: that's true. not something i'm proud of...

@v1nc3: tama, lahat talo. lalo na ako. thanks vince hehe!

@nikki: that's true. maybe mas ako nga eh no?

@mr. g: hehe ikaw din pala! yeah naka-move on na. thanks mr. g.

@uno: yeah, forgiveness is the most noble thing for us to do, then we continue living our lives.

@mu[g]en: oo nga haha! ibig ba sabihin nun malandi rin ako hahaha! actually i felt guilty kasi tumagal man sila ng one year it went downhill, from that point.

@iurico: hahaha! dun ko na-discover ang little devil in me. rawr! hahaha!

@oreo: haha! no judgement naman on my part eh. hehehe.

@istambay: banjo, naniniwala ako diyan. na-realize ko na nga lang too late. thanks banjo :)

@emmanuelmateo: oo nga emman, dapat forgiveness.

@mr. chan: yeah that's true. have a good day too, mr. chan.

@kiks: hahaha! ganun pala lasa nun no? yeah, that's true kiks.

@ceiboh: hahaha! i'm not one to judge. ay! marami akong boxers hehe. g'day to you too.

@lalaking palaban: i guess that was what i was trying to prove. pero sabi nga nila, what's the point. yeah being with exes is always tricky. thanks lp.

@yj: that's so poetic and true...

@k: hahaha! ngayon ko lang naisip na iba nga ano? g-to-g! baka yung bf mo ang mag-enjoy sa panonood hehe.

@iamAPv: tama ka, it is a waste of time.

Nowitzki Tramonto said...

whoa! ngayun lang uli ako napadpad dito Sean. I've lot of back reading to do :)

Sean said...

@nowitzki: bising-busy ka ah nowitzky. salamat sa muling pagdalaw :)

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