Wednesday, February 23, 2011
We were raised to forgive those who have done us wrong. So when Jeff left me for Noli (click link for story), I tried to forge a friendship with both of them. But it's hard to remain gracious, particularly when the pain is still there. The bile slowly creeps its way up, and all you can think about is the sweet taste of revenge to rid yourself of all the bitterness.
We were having lunch at Robinson's, where Jeff was meeting a client to visit a housing project in Laguna. He suggested for Noli to keep me company, and we'd meet up with him later in the afternoon. After Jeff left, I told Noli that I was tired, wanted to catch a quick nap at home, but he was welcome to hang out, if he wanted.
A few minutes later, I was in bed in my boxers. I told Noli that he was free to join me if he was tired and closed my eyes. I felt the cushion give way as he slowly crawled in from the other side. I had both hands behind my head, chest and biceps still tense from the previous day's workout, legs slightly apart. They were an eternity apart, but the sounds of compressed bed springs came closer until his breath was upon me.
"Pu! Tang! Ih! Nah! Niyo!" I screamed over and over in my head. One syllable for each thrust. I never cry during sex, but that time, I was overcome with emotion. Then his phone rang. Nobody stopped to pick it up. Then mine rang. A few more rings and we were done. "Sunduin na natin siya," I told Noli, avoiding his eyes. We quietly dressed and went back for Jeff.
Jeff's hands were clenched. He was trembling. No words were spoken, but he knew. It wasn't the tears, but what I read in his eyes that crushed me. The pain he felt wasn't only for Noli and him. It was also for letting me go before, for giving me up.
I ran away from both of them, and locked myself in one of the rest room cubicles. Bile and pieces of chicken and rice were climbing up my throat. I vomited into the toilet bowl, and I retched some more, until I had nothing left inside. Except for that empty, hollow feeling that you get after having your fill of revenge.
(P.S. Jeff and I have since forgiven each other, and we remain friends. Jeff and Noli have decided to go separate ways after a year together. I have not seen Noli since the incident.)
photo credit : iamkoream.com