Monday, February 21, 2011

The Color Of Our Collar


I just heard that a straight friend of mine is now in a domestic partnership. He's the deputy head of a firm, while she is/was a stripper. Do they have a future? Out of political correctness, I should say that one's social status shouldn't be an issue. I am not a skeptic, but I am concerned. He had a previous nervous breakdown due to a failed relationship and probably won't survive another one.

Is it truly possible for people from different worlds to sustain a long-term relationship? I was once a romantic. I used to believe that as long as two people were in love, it wouldn't matter if they came from different backgrounds. But oftentimes, things look better from afar.

I met Jeff in Starmall. He was moreno, cute, and had a nice smile. He was a merchandiser in a department store, and moonlighted as a real estate agent for a low-cost housing project in his free time. Typical story - we met, he invited me to dinner, and we fell for each other.

We always stayed in his boarding house in Sampaloc. We shared meals in the carinderias that flourished in the area. We would have drinks in places that looked more like sari-sari stores. It was a simple life, and we were happy. Until I started sharing more of myself, my life, with him.

One day he picked me up at work, and he quietly said he was not comfortable around people in ties or barongs. I quickly took mine off. I brought him to my flat, which was small and simply decorated, but had a spectacular view. He smiled as he looked out the window, but there was a sadness in his eyes. Even the sex was different. It felt stiff, cursory.

Something intangible was suddenly yet firmly wedged between us. For months I desperately tried to reach out and bridge the widening gap, but he wouldn't reach back. I didn't know the reason, until he said, "Sean, sorry pero may nakilala ako. Merchandiser din siya. Mas bagay kami sa isa't isa." (How I got back at him will be for another entry.)

I was heartbroken and blamed myself for what happened. But looking back, is it possible that the gap was there all along, and we simply chose to ignore it at first? I hope that my experience was only one of a few unfortunate ones, but can love really transcend differences between people? I don't know the answer, but for my friend and his partner, I wish that they will have more faith that it can.

photo credit : famewatcher.com
 

25 comments:

rising mark said...

i like to believe that love can transcend differences between people. but then again, why, when somebody comes close, do i always ask myself "am i good enough?".

egG. said...

sean.. sa totoo lang kanina pa ako nag-aabang ng updates mo.. worth kasi magbasa...

---------

di ko alam ang sasabihin ko.... siguro kung ako nasa sitwasyon ni Jeff nakakaintimidate nga.. kasi ayun ang taas taas mo sean.. parang ganon... parang mag-iisip ka na "ay di tayo bagay kasi ganito blah blah" parang di magkalevel.. but when it comes to LOVE dapat unconditional talaga di ba?... siguro sean, it a lesson to learn talaga sayo....

kaloka tong entry mo na to.. napaisip tuloy ako ng malalim kahit di ko pa nararansan ang LOVE na yan...

katulala lang...

i love your blog sean... :)

Kyle said...

Aw nakakalungkot nman kuya sean. Sabagay dapat sa simula palang makilala nyo yung isat isa para malaman nyo yung differences nyo. Kasi ganon nga ang nangyayari, kapag hindi naagapan ay sa huli di nagwowork out.

Para sa akin hindi valid reason yung compatibility kasi nagagawan iyon ng paraan. Para sa akin isa lang ang ibig sabihin nun, hindi mo/niya tanggap ang siya/ikaw. May talagang nagsasabi na hindi sila/kami nagclick kasi di kami compatible (mostly reasons ay di magkasundo sa mga gusto at hindi matanggap yung kapartner).

Pero sabagay we take risks kapag pumapasok tayo sa ganito, kaya minsan mahirap talaga kapag nakapagpunla ka na ng damdamin para sa kanya tapos mawawala nalang bigla.

Opinyon ko lang to kuya, di ako makikipagaway sa iba kung iba yung pananaw nila.hahahha

Xprosaic said...

Depende lang yan... may kilala naman akong "He's the deputy head of a firm, while she is/was a stripper"... and yes they are happily married until now... pero madalas ang naiilang sa ganyang set up yung nasa lesser position kasi nafefeel niya hirap siyang mag fit in... but nothing is impossible... what matters ay kayo pa rin dalawa...

KikomaxXx said...

chong sad but its a reality... kahit na isipin pa nating our partner would be our last partner eh di talaga mangyayari yan hanggang there's a gap between... di mo yan makikita hanggang nagbubulag-bulagan ka... i do know taht kasi i have been in a relationship like that... and it was stupid lalo na nung ako ang naglalagay ng gap sa aming dalawa... and looking back on that stuff... yeah i was stupid.. and then karma comes along... hahay how sad... :(

Basti said...

One of my ex's used to tell me his insecurities when he dated a politician's son. Later on, he found out that I'm from a political family too. After a few days, he broke up with me with a very vague reason. Haha. Some people just can't handle the gap.

Eternal Wanderer... said...

it's not a matter of social class.

it's a matter how one views himself with dignity and self-worth despite of the station he is in.

iamAPv said...

hindi ko rin po alam ang sagot. Haixxt.. ang gulo talaga ng buhay.

Guyrony said...

You looked back and asked yourself this question and you think.

Would it matter to us?

Preferences would best answer that.

epiphanonymous said...

Been here, done that.

The social status matters. Regardless how much love you have for each other, people would still talk and could easily pass judgement based on what they see.

Mr. Chan said...

those people who doesn;t know what they want will not get what they deserve :)

it's simply a lesson learned from a good experience. ;)

린코 said...

well, the love that we are searching for isn't as easy as ABC... it's blood, sweat and tears to even find one... its a curse that we must have to suffer i guess.

uno said...

ouch...... un lng ang sakit nmn!

i agree with chan...

iurico said...

There has been, and will always be, an exemption to the rule.

orally said...

I echo Ms Eternal Wanderer although konting-konti lang ang nagtatagal.

hard2getxxx said...

ouch pero siguro may selfpity siya kaya siya ganun

hard2getxxx said...

ouch pero siguro may selfpity siya kaya siya ganun

hard2getxxx said...

ouch pero siguro may selfpity siya kaya siya ganun

emmanuelmateo said...

baka kasi po nahihiya siya sa inyo kaya ganun ang ngyari.nd one thing more, sana kinilatis muna natin ang pagkatao particuarly sa ugali.

Sean said...

@rising mark: i do hope it does. i also ask the same question whenever i'm in a relationship and this helps me strive to be better.

@egG: yeah lagi akong may natutunan sa bawat pinasukan kong relasyon. and thanks eg. that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in the blogging world. you've made my day :)

@kyle: kasalanan ko ata kasi nung mga panahon na yun medyo matipid din akong i-share yung sarili ko so siguro hindi agad cards on the table. may masama lang akong ginawa na hindi ko pa isinulat. haha wala pa naman umaaway sa akin.

@xprosaic: that's inspiring. sana nga tuloy tuloy ang pagiging matatag nilang dalawa. alalayan na lang ng isa yung nahihirapan minsan para di mawalan ng loob. thanks xprosaic.

@kikomaxxx: mahirap nga pag may gap and sana parehong mag-work together to bridge it. at least natuto ka rin sa past relationship mo :)

@basti: yeah it's sad that some people tend to group together individuals into categories, no?

@eternal wanderer: thanks ternie. this is so true. if he doesn't have self-worth, can the other help him build it? that time, i tried and natatakot din ako that i'd sound patronising. mahirap nga siguro kung hindi siya ang mismong mag-build nito.

@iamAPv: haha oo nga. magulo talaga. pero exciting din.

@guyrony: yeah, maybe it was just that i didn't fit into his so-called preference?

@epiphanonymous: it is complicated cause society's views still creep in, no matter if we deny it and try to focus on the 2 of you. maybe we just recognise that and accept the difficulties?

@mr. chan: aww. can i take that as he didn't deserve me? haha kapal ko ba?

@린코: yeah nikki. as you said, it is not easy.

@uno: haha oo nga masakit noon. pero i'm ok naman na with it. thanks!

@iurico: makes me think which one is the exception and which one is the rule. but in the end, it doesn't matter because at least both have a chance. thanks iurico.

@orally: yeah bien. i agree with ternie. and marami akong nakita pero sa straight world na hindi rin nagtatagal.

@hard2getxxx and @amman: yeah meron nga. pero di ko alam noon kung paano i-build yung confidence niya without being patronising. i tried though pero di umubra.

Miguel said...

that was really, really sad.

my two cents:

love can transcend these things but only if we give it room to grow and allow it to grow. if we allow insecurities to get ahead of us, mabaon man, mababaw lang. mahuhukay at mahuhukay yan especially if you guys are having a quarrel or something. tsk... tsk... mahirap man i-admit pero that was one thing you can't help him realize. that's something he needed to work out on his own.

ibañez said...

jusko!!namiss ko magbasa nang mga bongga mong entry!!kasi naman palaging busy sa school. . .galing mo tlg gumawa. . idol!!!ahaha

Herbs D. said...

It all differs from the culture and if that person wouldn't let those Kind of things affect him.

Like where I'm at, it's very equalitarian, so people don't look down on people whatever yor job is-The prime minister is married to a hair dresser.

Sean said...

@miguel: yeah that's true. thanks migs!

@ibanez: good luck sa school! ay *blush* hahaha!

@herbs d: i wish it were the same in the philippines. your job is just that - a job.

Nowitzki Tramonto said...

hmmm...

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