Modern Family

On lazy days like today, hubby sleeps in longer than usual. Bathed, dressed and ready to go, I'd go back to bed with my iPad and watch a TV show or two while waiting for my partner to wake up.

I usually get bored with TV shows and lose interest as they drag on. I only recently heard of Modern Family here in China and was hooked with its short yet amusing episodes. Maybe it was because I could relate to each of the characters.

I lay on my side, propped the gadget against the wall, and watched the lives of Jay and Gloria, Claire and Phil, and of course Cam and Mitchell play out. On certain scenes, my eyes would shift slightly and I'd see my face and my sleeping husband's profile reflected on the glass screen.

Hubby woke up midway through the second episode, and I shut off the screen to attend to him. As we engaged in our usual morning banter, I could almost hear a curious sound. An unmistakable whirring as the camera pans out.

Ninety Nine

Ninety nine reasons to be thankful for. These, I can easily think of. A loving partner. Friends and family. Or even a simple clear and sunny day.

The list goes on, which should be enough for one to feel lucky. Happy. But somehow, I am stuck in this place that I don't really know how to describe.

All I know is that this is not where I want to be.

Ninety nine reasons. An almost perfect life. Yet all it takes is but one thing. Before everything around you starts crumbling.

photo from tumblr.com

Jay

We have not seen each other for years. As he walked into the mall where I was waiting, I saw a completely different person but still recognized a shadow of the young man that was once a part of my life.

Gone were the ill-fitting tees, oversized jeans and that hip hop swagger. He was wearing a flattering shirt and a pair of denims that complemented his newly toned physique. We both smiled and shook hands.

Jay worked these odd jobs when we met and became friends. He had big small dreams then. Big in the sense that he longed to open his own business, had no capital, and thought it was a pipe dream. Small, in my (perhaps arrogant) view of its simple business model and startup costs.

I put up the meager capital and taught him how to use the computer for his small business. With my help, he worked hard and was able to quickly multiply his earnings. He tried to immediately return the funds, but I told him to use the money to expand his baby.

Then I learned I was accepted for a job overseas. He was devastated. He said that he didn't know how he'd get by without me. I comforted him and said that he and his business were already doing well. He slept over that night and our emotions got the better of us.

We kissed. Tentatively. Then passionately. We stripped each other of both our clothes and our friendship and crossed a line. It was hard for him. I knew he was in pain, but he went along with it anyway.

All I felt was the gratitude and his desperate attempt to hold on to our friendship, which I chose to ignore until I was finished. I lit a cigarette, looked at the oversized tee and pair of jeans on the floor and immediately hated myself. He still held my hand, refusing to let go.

But I did. I never told him my address and number in China. And I didn't try to connect with him again after I left. Not until now.

He pulled me into one of the popular restaurants in the mall, and we caught up on each other's lives. He now exuded confidence. I learned that he also pursued his other dreams, including acting, and was even doing bit parts in TV in his free time.

The night wound down, and we didn't speak of what happened that night. The bill came, I instinctively reached for it, but he quickly snatched it away. Then just before we left, a more serious look came over his face.

He told me he has never forgotten what I have done for him. That he tried to find me all these years, and never stopped sending letters to my old flat. And that he was glad he decided to keep his mobile number in the vain hope that I would someday reach out to him.

All I could say was sorry. His smile failed to overshadow the pained look in his eyes.

I looked at Jay and again noted how much he has changed. Gone were the ill-fitting tees, the oversized jeans and that hip hop swagger. But he is still that man who was once, and now will always be, a part of my life.

photo from tumblr.com

Strung Out

I've been so strung out at work these past weeks. And by the time I got home late at night, I was too exhausted to talk, more often than not irritable, and at times unknowingly took my frustrations out on my partner.

I hated what I was turning into and wanted to quit. It hasn't been a year since my last sabbatical, and I didn't know how to explain the situation to my husband. The added stress of potentially disappointing him caused me to spiral down further.

Hubby knew I was depressed and decided to take me shopping. But not even the new off-white suede loafers that I bought for the summer could lift my mood. He also brought me to our favorite restaurant, but I just picked on my food.

I followed him, too quietly, as we wandered around the places I usually enjoy. Tired of walking, we went into a neighborhood massage shop. We plonked down in our seats, as hubby ordered beer and boys. They didn't have the latter.

The ice cold Tsing Tao was refreshing, and hubby kept on topping my glass up. The alcohol loosened me up, and I started to talk. As the masseuse worked on the knots in my body, my partner helped me unravel those in my life.

photo from tumblr.com

One of Those Days

I left my desk and couldn't get out of the building quickly enough. I pushed the revolving doors with all my strength and walked determinedly away from the building.

I quickened my stride, a desperate attempt at escaping the shadow of the towering structure beneath my feet. I counted my steps until I reached where our floor would be. I looked back. A hundred and forty four paces from my office window to the pavement.

I ignored the traffic lights, at times halting almost too late for a passing bus. I stopped walking when I reached a nearby park and sat on a bench. I watched someone's dog circle around the post it was tethered to, the shortening leash straining its collar.

It grew dark and the heavy rain started to pour. I only stood up after I was drenched and cold. A pair of black wingtips splashed dirty water with each step. I tripped on myself and fell into a puddle.

I started to drown.

photo from www.asiaarts.ucla.edu

Sandcastles

We lay half naked under the splayed branches of a tree by the shore. The pale was now deeply bronzed, but we couldn't resist catching the sunshine reflected by the white sand onto our supine bodies.

As hubby slept, I took photos of our feet against the blue backdrop, our tanned toes breaking the serenity of the horizon. I would tell him later what I thought it meant, the two of us stepping into infinity.

The rustling of leaves was overpowered by the sound of a speeding boat, a parasail in tow. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes. The sound of the engine stopped, and the blot of bright orange against the blue expanse floated gently onto the waiting water.

I picked up my watch, half buried in the sand, its ticking more pronounced. I quickly shoved it aside and blocked the nagging thought of counting down the days when we'll come crashing down back to reality.

Hunky Cebuanos

The first thing that I noticed about Cebu was its handsome guys. There were just so many of them around! In the resort, inside the mall, on the street, in church.

Most of us have a particular preference, and the men that I find attractive belong to a narrow profile. But here, I've been swooning over such a wide variety - moreno, chinito, and mestizo men of all ages and sizes (er, I mean body types).

And I find the women very attractive as well. Now that's a real stretch from the usual type that I fall for. 

Seated for dinner, I found the waiter who came to take our order somewhat too pale for my taste. But I still found him gorgeous. Then the reason why I found so many Cebuanos so attractive finally came to me.

As the handsome waiter took our order, I wanted to see if I could get away pretending I was local.

I smiled.