Friday, September 30, 2011

Secret Obsession

I checked if my husband was looking before I discreetly called up the YouTube site on my screen. I typed a search filter, clicked on one of the links that appeared, and put my earbuds on.

He appeared on the screen. Handsome. Confident. Almost regal. Then he commenced with his speech. And I don't know if it was for the same reasons as before, but I was again in awe. Of my ex.

It's my dirty little secret, and I admit, it's quite bordering on obsession. Is this a form of cheating? I honestly don't know. What i do know is that in spite of this guilty pleasure, I don't love my husband less.

Some might say this is an excuse, but maybe I don't really need to analyze and justify what I still feel. Perhaps it is simply that love, even one that's all in the past, will always be beautiful to look at.

photo from here


ZaiZai said...

what does the ex do in the videos? bakit may speech? bakit dami kong tanong? :)

anyways, I wouldn't consider it cheating. though I'm sure you feel like it is, kasi patago mo pa vini-view, I really think that it's not :)

daniel the jagged little egg said...

for me it's not cheating : )

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

as long as you knew the reality it's alright. checking the past doesn't mean cheating as long as you don't go overboard... ano nga ba ang nasa video btw? hahaha...


RoNRoNTuRoN said...

you need to talk with your partner and tell him what you've been doing. :D Its not a for of cheating. It becomes one kapag pinagbawalan ka nya and you know that he's uncomfy you doing it and yet,you're still sneaking. So go ahead, pagusapan nyo yan para wala nang itinatago.

at nakakaloka anu ba kasi yung nasa video nya?! bakit may speech? ids he holding a mic? hehe.

bien said...

It's not cheating.

Handsome. Confident. Almost regal- we aren't talking about Noy right?

lonewolf said...

ano meron sa video kaya nacoconsider mo nagchecheat ka, di ko magets hahahaha

dabo said...

remembrance in it's pure form, i believe is a virtue. reminds me of the song everybody's free (to wear suncreen).

this line.. "Perhaps it is simply that love, even one that's all in the past, will always be beautiful to look at." this floored me huh.

amazing. you gave me, i think and the world, a wonderful thought about one of love's mysteries. it knows no time or ill feelings. it might appear you are cheating to a few but why judge an experience that was already done and gone, or explain yourself to the world when lessons were nothing but reminders why love is a good thing to have again and again.. it's no longer about the ex or your husband..but all about you and the times and joys you are collecting that makes everything about "sean" one of the kind.. really amazing sean.

cheers to you.

V1nC3 said...

If it doesn't feel right. Baka you shouldn't really be doing that in the first place. =)

egG. said...

hmmmm mas maganda kung panuodin nyo 2 ni partner mo.. para kapag nagalit siya e di sa susunod dont view it na.. mas maigi na maging LOYAL and HONEST ahihihihi :D

Anonymous said...

hahaha di ka ba masyadong taksil niyan.. hehehe

tim said...

Pashare naman nung videos ni Ex hehehe..

anyway, doing that is not a form of cheating, it is a way of reminiscing the past. I do agree with the last part of your post..

4 thumbs up! 5 sali na yung gitna.

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

i don't think it's cheating,. it's not bad to go over things from the past, just to check on how you'll be feeling..

sabi mo nga, you don't love your husband less so nothing to worry about.

Blakrabit said...

If I'm your husband, I'll be pissed. I'll ask about the sneeking and the need to watch your ex and no matter what the reasons are, questions like "Am I not enough?" and "Does he still have feelings for his ex?" will always hang above my head. But that's just me. I'm territorial. (:

Sean said...

@zaizai, daniel, jj, ronronturon, bien, lonewolf, dabo, vinc3, egg, kikomaxxx, tim, ceiboh, blakrabit:

thanks for all your views. :)

marami siyang public speaking engagements.

actually tinatago ko, kasi kung baliktad, feeling ko magseselos ako :)

i came clean na rin. he read this blog entry. as usual, deadma lang siya. wala atang jealous bone sa katawan. :)

@bien: si Noy, isa lang ata sa tatlo ang tumama. joke!

@dabo: thanks dabo. you're very kind, and i couldn't have explained it better myself. :)

@blakrabit: actually ako rin, territorial :)

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