Monday, November 7, 2011

Bitter


I hate Viber, the phone app. You can forget about privacy when you install it on your phone. It allows people you tried so hard to bury in your past to resurface and find you. Like this incoming call. I didn't know if I should pick up. I didn't want to be disrespectful, so I braced myself and said hello.

He was the first guy I ever moved in with. It was a huge step for me then. Not only was I about to start a life with someone, I also knew I was giving up on any hope of being straight. I'd still be in the closet but could finally close that confused chapter in my life. I told myself it was for him. For us.

But forever ended when he found someone else to spend it with. I thought I would never recover from the hurt, the bitterness, the anger. And yet there we were. Talking. Laughing. Enjoying the familiar conversation and playful banter. There were no apologies offered, but we parted as friends.

I stared at his name on my phone's screen, wondering why I didn't dredge up the past, demand an apology, and hold out on the friendship. I just couldn't. Perhaps even in the worst of break-ups, after the pain subsides, the bitterness passes, and the anger is spent, love is all there is you have left.

photo from here

18 comments:

citybuoy said...

"Perhaps even in the worst of break-ups, after the pain subsides, the bitterness passes, and the anger is spent, love is all there is you have left"

Are you friends with your exes, Sean?

Leomer Apolonio said...

and that my friend, I deduce as maturity...

cheers! :)

T.R.Aurelius said...

pain is just a test on how strong you can be, do not think of your pain as the worst cause Jesus' pain is the most painful of all,

anyhow, at least now you're strong enough and even without asking, forgive him, it's for your own sake, it's the best remedy for you :)

God Bless!

Guyrony said...

No matter how painful it was, no matter how bitter the aftertaste can be, there will be forgiveness - no matter how long it takes.

the green breaker said...

Can relate. There just comes a point in our lives when we seem to forget what happened, and try not to make things complicated by dwindling on the bad things in our past..

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

I can relate to this... Love it!

JJRod'z

DB said...

Urgh, this is the second one (yes, next to Nyl) I've read that deals with the same page I'm dealing with as of now. What is happening? Hehe.

Kiks said...

Not true. You just got civil. Or professional about the whole thing.

;-)

Mugen said...

I lean with Kiks more. You get civil, but the bottom line is, you move on, disappear from his life completely.

Sometimes you can't afford to see the person who once, owned your heart.

ZaiZai said...

I'm not sure how you parted but somehow instances like this provide proper closure no? sometimes it takes a lot of time and distance, then you can both look back and talk casually about things, without any bitterness or whatnot.

Super Mario P. said...

Wish I could say the same thing (your last sentence here) about my ex. But the hurt is really too deep. And it has been more than five years, but we haven't forgiven each other yet.

Mac Callister said...

if you already moved on and having a happy life, i guess, demanding an apology is not necessary anymore...

and you are right,all that's left was memories...happy ones.

daniel the jagged little egg said...

ako naman nahihirapang hindi maging bitter hehehe : )

Blakrabit said...

Well, if you haven't parted, e di wala si Hubby ngayon.. and all those other men you've tasted after. Haha.

Sabi nga ni P!nk, I'm just rephrasing this, "Don't trade the pain for what you've learned."

(:

Caloy said...

There's no need to miss someone from your past- There’s a reason they didn't make it to your future...

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

i think everyone has their own way of recovering/moving on from their past relationships, either if it had been bad or not..

and the good thing is, at the end of the day, we still tend to rationalize all our action, maybe for the sake of not hurting ourselves more and having the strength to have a new beginning..

Martin said...

Hahahahaha mahirap nga yan. Talk about awkward. I don't know about you pero ilang na ako sa ganyan. It takes a lot of courage to do it. hehehe

Sean said...

@citybuoy: hi nyl. yeah i'm friends with almost all of them. apart from this one, there's only one that has not spoken to me since we broke up.

@leo: thanks leo. i guess it comes with age, lol!

@theo: thanks theo. truly great words to live by. god bless you too.

@guyrony: that's true g. may have taken me a long time, but i know that now.

@the green breaker: yeah, i was expecting that it will still be there. without realizing that i have moved on.

@jj: thanks jj!

@db: oh no! dapat pala nag-inuman na lang tayong tatlo, lol!

@kiks: hahaha oo nga, pwede hehe.

@mugen: hay, buti hindi magkakakilala mga ex ko. just imagine kung gumimik kami at nakahilera lahat ng mga tao na who once owned my heart.

@zaizai: personally i agree that it's good to have closure on the past, and open doors to a future of friendship.

@super mario p: give yourselves time. pero kung hindi talaga, ok lang siguro yun.

@mac callister: that must be it mac. we are both happy, kahit ilang pa magkwento about our respective love lives. yeah we do have a lot of happy memories.

@daniel the jagged little egg: haha ok lang yun. makaka-move on ka rin hehe.

@blakrabit: oo nga naman, lol! that's a very nice line.

@caloy: nicely put caloy. motto ko yan dati hehehe.

@ceiboh: that's true kiks. lagi akong mahilig mag-rationalize. coping mechanism ko ata yan.

@martin: yeah it was awkward at first. i really braced myself before answering the call.

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