Monday, October 31, 2011


October 31, 2011

I want to write a blog entry that is brimming with positivity.

One that will, cheesy as it may sound, brighten someone's day. Or night. Make it radiant enough to inspire that person to share even the softest of its embers to another. Kindling the tiniest of flickers that can quickly turn ablaze. In turn sparking a chain of brilliance radiating from that single entry.

Then maybe even just a glimmer of such brightness would find its way back to me.

Before long I'll be floating in a sea of lights, much like today in this park. But even their radiance won't dispel all the shadows, much less those growing within me. And beyond the food, drink, music and festive mood, the smoke from the flames makes my eyes water. My chest starts to heave, and I steady myself against a slab of marble.

I flew in this weekend, and I am again... home. But for the first time in years, it doesn't feel like it.

photo from here


Ryan said...

Then take this moment to mourn for the loss: of loved ones, and of that place that once felt like home.

citybuoy said...

There's this quote from Elaine Vassal in Ally McBeal. I've been trying to Google it but I can't seem to find it.

Anyway, lemme give you the gist. Someone asked why she was always smiling, always happy even when there was nothing to be happy about. She says when she smiles (regardless of how she really feels), people mostly smile back at her. And then when she sees them smiling, she feels better and then her smile becomes real.

Sorry, she said it better. Lemme try to Google some more.

Nimmy said...

Eeeeeee! Ading! Lessen sadness para more more ang beauty glow! Hehe

@citybuoy - gusto ko hanapin ang quote na yan! Hehe

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

Citybouy said it right. I have been to a lot of sorrows for the last 3 months and still on it, but slowly healing. But i always manage to smile and see the bright si of everything. We will not attract good vibes is we will be gloomy. Take care!


Kiks said...

So Elaine's quote got lost in Google limbo.

Sean, where and what is home?

Yang lights na yan - sa airport lang yan... o kaya from the heavens looking down on Manila/Seoul/Beijing/HK after dark.

Raymond said...

I feel for you :/

Martin said...

Sabi nga ng isang commercial na narinig ko kung saan man yun na "home is where your heart is". Minsan mahirap talaga pag bumiyahe ka at may naiwan ka bago ka umalis...

ZaiZai said...

why so sad sean? cheer up, everything will be okay :)

Sean said...

@ryan: thanks ryan :)

@citybuoy: hi nyl. thanks for that - it explains exactly how i feel! i tried googling as well (otherwise i won't be able to sleep haha), and i'm not sure if this is what you are referring to:

"I've never spent an un-lonely day in my life."

"But you always seem so happy."

"Well, happy is easy. You act happy; people see you as happy and you see yourself through their eyes: you feel happy. It doesn't work for lonely... but happy's easy."

@nimmy: thanks ading. that's the dose of positivity that i needed!

@jj roa rodriguez: good to know you're well into the healing process. yeah i envy you, jj. you're always full of good vibes. i hope it rubs off on me.

@kiks: hi kiks. that rhetorical question made me think, and you are right.

@raymond: thanks raymond :)

@martin: my favorite commercials are those whose messages always hit home, no?

@zaizai: thanks zai. i also admire your positivity :)

citybuoy said...

That's it! OMG your googling skills are impeccable! :)

Sean said...

@citybuoy: lol!

Victor Saudad said...

felt exactly the same last night. something was different..can't point it out exactly.

I was there, surrounded by relatives, familiar faces, strangers. Everyone was so engaged at the moment. I was there physically, but my mind's roaming far off.

Distant. Disengaged.

Why am I here, if I can't be here?

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