Take Two

A female friend called. I expected another drawn out discussion on her turbulent lovelife and decided to blog while she spoke. My fingers worked the keyboard, as I recalled the content of an unposted blog entry. Words quickly filled the screen, forming a hastily typed up replica of its original, still lost in the bowels of Blogger's repository.

I scanned the reconstructed post. It resembled the previous entry closely enough, but I couldn't commit to publishing it. Maybe I saw it as a poor copy of the original. Or the sentimental side of me stubbornly thought that nothing would ever compare with the first.

Perhaps not everything deserves a second chance. Its moment has passed, emotions have dissipated. It read familiar yet fell short, and with a click of a mouse, I dumped the entry in the bin. As I started afresh, I began dispensing over the phone relationship advice on how my friend can move on from her first.

photo from here

Binatilyo

Pasimple kong iminulat ang isang mata para silipin kung gising pa siya. Ang hirap din palang magkunwaring tulog. Sana'y di niya napansin ang di ko mapigilang pagkurap at pekeng paghinga nang malalim. Nakapikit siya. Nakaidlip na nga kaya o tulad kong nakikiramdam, naghihintay.

Dalawa kaming Southeast Asians na nasali sa maikling programa ng isang paaralan sa kabilang dulo ng mundo. Ilang buwan na kaming magkaibigang matalik at pareho kaming malungkot sa nalalapit nang pag-uwi. Naisipan naming uminom nang gabing iyon, at nang makauwi ay parehong may tama.

Umungol siya. Bumangon ako't umupo sa kaniyang kama. Inilapat ko ang aking kamay sa kanyang noo para tingnan kung siya'y nilalagnat. In-adjust ko ang thermostat bago nahiga sa kaniyang tabi. Hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Nag-iisip nang nakapikit. Hanggang sa lumapit siya at humarap sa akin.

Walang umiimik, ngunit parehong nagungusap ang aming mga mata. Lumakas ang kabog sa aking dibdib, at alam kong ganoon din sa kaniya. Inakap niya ako, namin ang isa't isa. Dalawang bagong mulat, parehong di sigurado sa kanilang gagawin. Parehong nagkasya sa pag-idlip nang magkayakap, magkasama.

Nagising ako na excited siyang nakaturo sa bintana. Nagliwanag ang aking mukha at nag-unahan kami palabas. Tiningala namin ang langit at pinanood ang marahang pagbagsak ng puting pulbo sa aming mukha, palad, katawan. Sa gitna ng busilak na kapaligiran, di mapigilan ang ngiti ng dalawang binatilyong nagsasalo sa kanilang unang karanasan.

photo from here

Kisap

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Bulong

Gusto sana kitang bilhan ng isang dosenang bulaklak. Kahit na mahal. Kahit na hindi ka mahilig dito. At mag-iipit ako ng isang sweet na love note para sa iyo. Sasamahan ko na rin ng tissue, dahil tulad ko, mababaw ang luha mo.

Bibili rin tayo ng magarang damit, at dadaan sa suki mong parlor. Para maganda ka pag tayo'y namasyal. Ipagmamaneho kita buong araw, at tayo'y o-order sa mga paborito mong kainan. Kahit na mga bawal sa iyo, di kita pipigilan.

Mamamakyaw tayo ng mga pasalubong sa mga apong spoiled sa iyo. Bibisita rin tayo kina Tita, dahil siguradong nami-miss ka na niya. At bago umuwi, dadalaw tayo kay Papa para mag-alay ng dasal.

Kaya Ma, sana nama'y makabangon ka na. Mamulat na'ng iyong mga mata. Maramdaman kong muli ang iyong haplos. Mapakinggan ang iyong tawa. Sa kabila ng matagal mong pagkakaidlip, sana'y naririnig mo pa rin ako. Nakikilala.

Andito lang ako. Naghihintay.

photo credit: flickr - atilay

Ships In The Night

He looked out the window, at the strip of silver which cut through the city and snaked out to the sea. The sky's reflection in the water was only broken by the floating patches of green and the froth trailing a ferry headed upriver.

It's beautiful when the water mirrors the sun at this hour, I thought to myself. I finished my drink, walked to the kitchen and threw the bottle in the bin. I tied the mouth of the plastic bag and carried the load out to the garbage chute.

He pulled the metal handle and shoved the trash bag down the chute. He waited until the sounds of its passage through the building's pipes stopped before heading back to the unit.

I locked the door behind me and went to the bedroom. I tried to catch up on my reading but could not concentrate.  I slid the window open and lit a cigarette. Staring at the skyline, I wondered if he was out there at all.

He stayed in the dark, watching.  One by one, the lights went up in the buildings across the river. Where are you, he mouthed silently. Our paths should have crossed by now. Feeling defeated, he went to the bathroom to get ready.

I buttoned my shirt, while waiting for the elevator. I need to get out of here, I thought to myself, as my neighbor started belting out Manilow's "Ships". "We're still here. It's just that we're out of sight. Like those ships that pass in the night..."

He pressed on the elevator button impatiently and hurriedly entered the cabin when the doors finally opened. He jumped after belatedly noticing the other passenger but quickly recovered and muttered a greeting. "Uhm, hello."

"Hello," I replied to the stranger. We secretly stared at each other's reflection in the polished metal doors, as a cold feminine voice called out each parallell universe bridged by this vertical path.  

5...

4...

3...

2...

"John."

"Sean." Names blurted at the same time.

G.

photo credit: flickr - job sun

Magkano

Para sa akin, lahat ng bagay ay may halaga. At ang bawat halaga ay may katapat ding presyo. Hindi lang ang mga tradisyonal na nabibiling mga bagay, kundi pati ang mga pinahahalagan ng bawat isa sa atin. Ang ating mga pinakaiingatan, pisikal man o hindi.

Sa EDSA lang, marami kang madadaanang karatula ng mga inalalakong bagay. Bagong katawan, kagandahan, pagkabata. Makinig ka ng balita't nariyan ang hustisya, dangal, tiwala. Depende sa iyong hinahanap, marami ring lugar ang pwedeng puntahan upang bumili ng aliw, kaligayan, at kung minsan, pag-ibig.

Minsan ka na sigurong natanong nang pabiro kung magkano ang ibabayad sa iyo para gawin ang isang bagay na hindi mo gusto. Halikan yung pangit sa kanto, siyotain ang ayaw mo, magpatira. Pag mahirap, mataas ang ipipresyo. Minsan hindi pera ang katapat, tulad ng pag-ako ng karamdaman ng taong mahal mo.

Pero nagulat pa rin ako nang iyong ipagkanulo ang ating pagkakaibigan, ang ating pagiging magkapatid. Ilang beses ko mang timbanging. Ulit-ulitin ko mang kiluhin. Kailanma'y hindi ko inakalang sampu-singko lang pala ang tingin mo sa atin.

At naghahanap ka pa ng sukli.

photo from here

Wishful Thinking

Mahirap magtago ng sarili at ng relasyon. Minsan hindi pwedeng magsama, dahil baka may makakita. Hindi naman ako kerida, at ganun din siya. Minsan, sa pag-iisa, wala ka na lang magawa kundi ang magsulat. Na sana...

I want to set fire to the oceans. And they will cease to keep us apart.

To unfurl a map of the world and fold it. Until you are close enough to touch.

And heat time inside a furnace. Until we can bend it to our will.

Perhaps shape it into a circle. Whole, perfect, unending.

To prove no numbers are prime. For nothing deserves solitude.

Write of William's star-crossed lovers. Awakened before they fled.

That star we both wished on. Is but residual light from what is long gone.

But a collapsed sun gains power. And remembers its promise.

To take the sky and pour it in a jar. For me to give to you.

Wake beside you at first light. And wonder at the colors of each sunset.

Twilight descends. I poke holes at its dark fabric.

We at the far side of the moon await. The light to shine on its face.

photo from here