Happy Ending?

The lights onstage are dim. The set empty. The judges' panel vacant. I am alone backstage. I look at the lighted mirror in front of me and strip everything off. The borrowed sequined dress. The coiffed hair extensions. The false eyelashes. The gaudy make up. My winning smile. Until all that stares back is me.

I look at the crumpled piece of paper, clasped tightly in my right hand. Callback after callback, and the role is finally mine. We still have to iron out the details, but it is finally happening. I am coming back. I search my eyes, naked under the glare of combined wattage. Am I happy? Is this really where I want to be?

Big and bright, that's how my eyes looked in the light. Unsure. Somewhat panicked. As I struggle to find a way back into the incoming traffic rush. It's funny I'm back in the same spot that I left almost a year ago. A year of finding myself, my true purpose, that elusive concept of fulfillment.

But as what all aging prostitutes will tell you, life goes on. Reponsibilities don't magically disappear. The bills pile up, and you go back to doing what you know best. As I wipe away the remaining red shadow on my lips, I try to hum a tune from my childhood. One that I was able to learn again during my one-year break.



Happiness is finding a pencil. 
Pizza with sausage. 
Telling the time. 
Happiness is learning to whistle. 
Tying your shoe 
For the very first time. 
Happiness is playing the drum 
In your own school band. 
And happiness is walking hand in hand. 
Happiness is two kinds of ice cream. 
Knowing a secret. 
Climbing a tree. 
Happiness is five different crayons. 
Catching a firefly. 
Setting him free. 
And happiness is being alone every now and then. 
And happiness is coming home again. 
Happiness is morning and evening, 
Daytime and nighttime too. 
For happiness is anyone and anything at all 
That's loved by you. 
Happiness is having a sister. 
Sharing a sandwich. 
Getting along. 
Happiness is singing together 
When day is through, 
And happiness is those who sing with you. 
Happiness is morning and evening, 
Daytime and nighttime too. 
For happiness is anyone and anything at all 
That's loved by you. 


photo from here

Magkano

Para sa akin, lahat ng bagay ay may halaga. At ang bawat halaga ay may katapat ding presyo. Hindi lang ang mga tradisyonal na nabibiling mga bagay, kundi pati ang mga pinahahalagan ng bawat isa sa atin. Ang ating mga pinakaiingatan, pisikal man o hindi.

Sa EDSA lang, marami kang madadaanang karatula ng mga inalalakong bagay. Bagong katawan, kagandahan, pagkabata. Makinig ka ng balita't nariyan ang hustisya, dangal, tiwala. Depende sa iyong hinahanap, marami ring lugar ang pwedeng puntahan upang bumili ng aliw, kaligayan, at kung minsan, pag-ibig.

Minsan ka na sigurong natanong nang pabiro kung magkano ang ibabayad sa iyo para gawin ang isang bagay na hindi mo gusto. Halikan yung pangit sa kanto, siyotain ang ayaw mo, magpatira. Pag mahirap, mataas ang ipipresyo. Minsan hindi pera ang katapat, tulad ng pag-ako ng karamdaman ng taong mahal mo.

Pero nagulat pa rin ako nang iyong ipagkanulo ang ating pagkakaibigan, ang ating pagiging magkapatid. Ilang beses ko mang timbanging. Ulit-ulitin ko mang kiluhin. Kailanma'y hindi ko inakalang sampu-singko lang pala ang tingin mo sa atin.

At naghahanap ka pa ng sukli.

photo from here