Lights

October 31, 2011

I want to write a blog entry that is brimming with positivity.

One that will, cheesy as it may sound, brighten someone's day. Or night. Make it radiant enough to inspire that person to share even the softest of its embers to another. Kindling the tiniest of flickers that can quickly turn ablaze. In turn sparking a chain of brilliance radiating from that single entry.

Then maybe even just a glimmer of such brightness would find its way back to me.

Before long I'll be floating in a sea of lights, much like today in this park. But even their radiance won't dispel all the shadows, much less those growing within me. And beyond the food, drink, music and festive mood, the smoke from the flames makes my eyes water. My chest starts to heave, and I steady myself against a slab of marble.

I flew in this weekend, and I am again... home. But for the first time in years, it doesn't feel like it.

photo from here

Chi-Noy

The last time we were in Manila, I dragged my husband to the usual places. I had this mesmerized look on my face and blurted exclamations of wonder the whole time. I didn't even notice, until he said that for someone who grew up in Manila, I was acting too much like a tourist.

I was about to say that it has changed significantly from the last time we visited, which I then remembered was barely a month prior. Fine. I hailed a cab to Greenbelt. Maybe lunch would lift his mood. As we were combing through the line of restos, I kept on snapping our pics among the greenery.

"See? There you go again," he said.

Of all places, we ended up in Max's. Again. He ordered sinigang, crispy pata and extra rice. After the meal, we headed to Levi's, where he meticulously picked only the Philippine-made jeans. We then crossed to Landmark where he hoarded bottles of calamansi, Close Up, Rexona, and Tide.

As I now file the neglected photos from that trip, I find myself browsing through our pictures from years ago. We have aged since then, but that wasn't what caught my attention. The once distinct-looking boys (one Chinese, the other Pinoy) on the screen now look so much alike.

I smiled at one of the photos. Somewhere in between Landmark and Glorietta, the tourist and his local companion stood patiently in line for a cab. As to which one was which, now I couldn't really tell.

photo from here

Basa

May butas ang bubong, ngunit huli na ang lahat. Walang tigil ang buhos ng ulan sa labas. At nagsimula nang pumatak ang tubig sa gitna ng sahig. Kumuha siya ng tabo upang sahurin ang tumatagas mula sa itaas. Tak! Tak! Tak! Tunog ng kanyang pagbagsak, sabay sa pagpatak ng bawat segundo sa orasan.

Mahimbing ang mga bata at ang ibang kasambahay. Ngunit di siya makatulog. Malamig ang panahon, pero mula noong isang taon, hindi na niya nakuhang antukin pa sa hele ng ulan. Hindi siya nagsasalita. Parang may hinihintay. May kinatatakutan. Unti-unting napuno ang tabo, hanggang sa ito ay umapaw.

"Sandali, ibubuhos ko lang ang naipong tubig sa lababo."

Sinundan ko ng tingin ang umapaw na tubig. Dumausdos ito sa gilid ng tabo at dahan-dahang gumapang. Pilit tumatakas palabas. Hanggang sa mapansin ko ang mas mabilis na pagdaloy mula sa ilalim ng pinto. Nagmamadali. Mabilis na tinawid ang buong lawak ng sahig. Hanggang ang dalawa ay nagpang-abot.

"Huwag na. Gisingin na natin sila."


photo from here

Namamahay

Ako'y napabalikwas sa kama.

Madilim. Malamig. May marahang ihip ng hangin na nagmumula sa maingay na aircon.

"Gising, Sean, gising..." bulong ko sa aking sarili.

Unti-unting nasanay ang aking mga mata sa dilim, ngunit hindi humabol ang kalinawan ng pag-iisip. Hindi ko pa rin alam kung nasaan ako. Pigil ang umuusbong na takot, hinawi ko ang kumot upang umupo at binuksan ang nakapang munting ilaw sa tabi ng kama.

"Sean, come back to bed," lambing ng pamilyar na boses.

Nahawi ang dilim sa kwarto. Bagong lipat sa mas malaking bahay. Kaniya ang mga di pamilyar na kasangkapan. Isang buntong hininga at pinatay ko ang ilaw.

Ako'y bumalik sa kama at sumiksik sa ilalim ng makapal na kumot. Niyakap ako ng aking asawa. Pamilyar ang init ng kaniyang katawan, ang amoy ng kaniyang buhok, ang marahang hilik, ang magaspang niyang kamay, ang aming posisyon sa pagtulog. Ako'y napalagay at unti-unting nakatulog sa aming bagong tahanan ngunit pamilyar naming pagsasama.

photo credit: geekologie.com