Unfaithful

My friends and I had dinner and spontaneously decided to watch Last Night (Keira Knightley, Sam Worthington). The ladies were looking forward to another rom-com treat and were surprised by the underlying theme of the movie - infidelity. The film was also dark and open-ended, which they found disturbing.

They decided to have an impromptu discussion on betrayal over a round of drinks. I generally don't enjoy participating in such discourses, but it was interesting to hear the opinions of people with different relationship statuses:

Single Ladies: They were the most idealistic of the group. They were absolute in their belief that infidelity, be it physical or emotional, was unforgivable. When I asked if they thought they were capable of cheating, they all responded with disgust. Prudes.

Married Ladies: Earlier in their marriages, they were as idealistic as their single counterparts. As they matured in their relationships, they realized they have the capacity for (and would extend) forgiveness. They could not articulate why but claimed it was not because of the children, money, or fear of growing old alone.

Married Men: They understandably had no opinion, as the wives were there. Smart move. Maybe I should have invited them to Genie for a follow through discussion. They have forgiving wives anyway.

Single Men: I was alone in this group, but unbeknownst to the others, I was part of the "married" groups.

I have not faced this dilemma in my current relationship, but I am with the married ladies on this. And like them, I find it hard to explain why I can forgive what the singles view as an affront to the relationship and myself. People may disagree, but maybe an aged relationship is like an old black and white photograph, where everything in the picture is now just different shades of gray.

photo credit: advocate.com

Homebody

Tulog na siya. Nakainom ng kaunti at napagod.

Madaling-araw na kasi nang ako'y makauwi. Ilang araw kaming di nagkita kaya't pareho kaming excited. Alanganin na nga lang ang oras para gumayak pa at lumabas ng bahay para mag-celebrate. Nagbukas na lang ako ng bote ng alak, at masaya kaming nagkwentuhan.

Nagpatugtog din ako ng club music mula sa aking telepono. Para na rin kaming nasa bar kako. May mga pinindot siya rito at nalipat sa aming mga speakers ang masayang tugtog. Ramdam mo ang bawat kabog. Nice. Mahilig siya sa gadgets at nagpapakitang gilas ang loko.

Tumayo siya at nagsimulang umindak. Natawa ako. Pinatay ko ang ilang ilaw para mas akma ang ambiance, bago sumabay sa kanyang galaw, sayaw, kanta, tawa. Dalawang mukhang tanga, medyo lasing, at parang kung anong tinira. Parehong masaya kapag magkasama.

Umupo ako sa kaniyang tabi, inuubos ang natitirang alak bago umidlip. Para kaming mag-asawang may edad na. Simple ang buhay, kuntento na kahit nasa bahay. Dahil naniniwala kami na ang isang pangkaraniwang araw o gabi, kadalasan ay siya pa ngang nagiging bukod-tangi.

photo credit: bedstory.blogspot.com

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Message in a Bottle

I was standing at the beach, facing the water, feeling small under the windmills that churned in unison. I willed them to reel you in with their invisible force. I waited, but all that came, taunting me, was the wind.

The wind was relentless, and my shirt fluttered, as tattered wings do, behind me. I closed my eyes and flew, lifted to the same sky that we still share. My arms reached out in anticipation, my feet anchored to the sand by the weight of my shadow.

I stood at the edge of the water, just barely beyond its reach, and stared into the distance. I can't see you from here, I whispered. I walked along the shore, picking up pieces I'd show you, leaving behind with each step a solitary trail.

photo credit: flickr.com - &ndie

Binusog

(Dahil maraming iniisip, marami ring nagbabalik na alaala mula sa nakaraan.)

Malamig ang tubig na dumadausdos sa aking katawan, ngunit di nito mapawi ang init na aking nararamdaman. Mula sa kabilang panig ng nakapagitang salamin, pinagmasdan ko ang kanyang aninag na naghihintay, nakatutok sa TV habang nakaupo sa kama.

Pagkatuyo ng sarili sa di na kaputiang twalya, tinawid ko nang nakayapak ang madilim na kwarto. Sa bawat hakbang, kumapit ang dumi ng sahig sa aking hubad na mga paa.  Tumabi ako sa kaniya at binasa ang nakatatak na pangalan sa nagninisnis nang kobre kama.

Tahimik naming sinimulan ang dahilan ng aming pagparito. Pinagmasdan ko kaming dalawa. Na nasa ulunan ng kama. Sa gilid nito. Sa kisame. Nagmamadali. Hanggang sa ako ay malito kung sino ang sino, at nangibabaw ang singaw ng init sa lamig ng aircon.

May natitira pang oras, pero nagbihis na siya at nagpaalam. Nagsindi ako ng sigarilyo, ngunit di napawi ang natitirang gutom. Umorder ako, at saglit lang at ito'y naubos. Pinagmasdan ko ang magulong kama, ang nasimot na pagkain, ang upos ng sigarilyo.

Parang may kulang pa rin.

photo credit: roblang.photoshelter.com

Mamang Buwan

Mamang Buwan, bilog ka na naman. Tahimik at nagmamasid mula sa kalawakan. Bigla ka raw lumapit, at ang tanong ng ilan ay bakit. Para ba tingnan ang mga pangyayari, ang mga trahedyang di namin mawari. Sa bansang may bandila na kung saan, ang imahe mo sa puting langit ay duguan.

Lahat sa iyo nakatingala, at sa liwanag mo ay namangha. Marami ang mga nangangarap na magkasintahan, na sana'y pagapalain mo ang kanilang pagmamahalan. Ngunit ilan rin naman sa kanila ay nanghilakbot. Dahil panibagong trahedya raw ba ang iyong idudulot.

Mamang Buwan, bilog ka na naman. Ako man ay tumingala upang ikaw ay pagmasdan. Pagpapala ba o pagkapinsala ang aking susunguin. Ang paglisan nga ba dito ang dapat kong piliin. Ang aking munting hiling, iyong kagandahan, bigyang liwanag para sa akin ang tamang daan.

photo credit: ideagirlconsulting.wordpress.com

Basta't Tayo'y Magkasama

Dinatnan ko ang bahay na madilim, walang tao. Hindi pa dumarating ang aking asawa mula sa sariling lakad. Binuksan ko ang ilaw. Matagal itong nag-uumandap bago nakapagpakalat ng malamlam nitong liwanag. Hindi pa rin namin ito pinapalitan, dahil maghintay ka lang at mas lumiliwanag rin ito.

Ilang linggo ko nang pinag-iisipang tigilan na ang pagiging isang maybahay. Nakipagkita ako kanina sa isang kaibigan na may inihaing posibleng trabaho. Magandang pagkakataon, pero nasa kabilang sulok ng mundo. Napansin niya ang aking pag-aalinlangan, kaya't pag-isipan ko raw muna ito.

Sa pagsasama naming mag-asawa, ilang beses na rin kaming napadpad sa iba't-ibang lugar. May mga pagkakataong siya ang sumama sa akin, at merong ako sa kaniya. Malayo man sa pamilya, lagi pa rin kaming magkasama. Ngunit kailangan niyang pumirmi ngayon dito, nang maalagaan ang sakiting ama.

Pero gusto nga ba naming masuong sa ganitong uri ng pagsubok? At may kabuluhan pa ba ang salitang pagsasama para sa dalawang magkalayo? Malungkot ang aking paligid dala ng matamlay na ilaw. Umupo akong mag-isa, nag-aabang. Naghihintay sa pagtingkad ng mapanglaw na liwanag.

photo credit : shirtlesssexyasian.blogspot.com

Smoke and Mirrors

You waited patiently. As I opened and revealed them one by one, tightly encased within each of my other Matryoshka selves. Slowly, hesitantly. At my own pace, at my own terms. Until I stood there naked, trembling and unsure.

You held my face, pale under the glaring light, with both hands and said, "I like this one the most."

You took my hand and led me away from the Penrose stairs where I have lost those whom I have followed. Ascending, as they went the other way, and realizing too late that I have been tricked into a solitary spiral.

We stopped in between two mirrors facing each other. I instinctively cringed, waiting for the smoke and tricks to appear to thunderous but hollow applause. But everything remained quiet, as you showed me our reflection.

"You are beautiful," you whispered.

And I was, but more so with you. We shared the same smile, you and I, reflected by two mirrors into infinity.

Matryoshka dolls

Penrose stairs

photo credit: 
flickr - two short planks (two mirrors with infinite reflections)
trenddelacreme.com (Matryoshka dolls)
stewardess.inhatc.ac.kr (Penrose stairs)